Ezert Corrects Dear Abby

I now introduce you to what may become a regular feature here at Corrupt Outlook. I have always enjoyed reading the advice columnists. I don't enjoy it because I think their advice is so good. I actually enjoy how lame they are. Problem is, some people may actually take to heart the advice given by these great-grandmothers with no knowledge of the way the world works here in the 21st Century. So, in an effort to right those wrongs, I introduce to you Ezert Corrects Dear Abby: Vol. 1.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 20s and very much in love with "John," the man of my dreams. I know what I want, and I'm on the road to achieving it. I have had my "fun," and hope one day to start a family. Granted, it may not be for another two, five or 10 years -- but hopefully sooner.

This brings me to my predicament. John has told me he's not sure he ever wants to marry. He assured me that if, one day, he decides to be married, if it's not to me, then it will be to someone just like me.

I think John is worth waiting for while he decides, but I refuse to be his girlfriend for the rest of my life. Much as I love him, it would devastate me 10 years down the road if he finally decided not to marry at all.

I don't know what to do. I live on my own with no mother to run to for advice. I have always taken your answers to heart and applied them to my own life. Your advice would be greatly appreciated. -- MINDY IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR MINDY: John may be an absolute doll, but you have described someone who has made it plain he is not ready for a serious commitment. Has it occurred to you that he may be trying to keep you from getting your hopes up where he is concerned? My advice is to keep your options open, and do not sit around waiting for him to grow up and recognize what a catch YOU are.

Dear Mindy: You need to decide what is important to you, the individual or the ring. You say "John" is a great guy whom you love. Well, is keeping this great guy worth maybe never getting married? Is the government legally sanctioning your relationship so important to you, you would give up the great guy? If it is, then maybe you should wait a while to see if he decides to marry you. However, if "John" is more important to you than a marriage license from the all-knowing, all-powerful state of South Carolina, then maybe you stay together, forever maybe, without ever legally defining your relationship. It would be just like a marriage, with the initial love and partnership, eventually festering into boredoom, resentment and ultimately uncomfortable silence during "Wheel of Fortune." Doesn't that sound just like a marriage?
And I would certainly never say someone needs to "grow up" just because they don't want to be married. Yeah, I guess Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are so mature because they decided marriage was for them. And maybe you should stick with him cause he may be the best you could get, since I don't know if you are a catch or not.